I've started this post probably three times and then deleted it and started over. It's tough to know what to say. In a lot of ways things are improving...and that's encouraging. But we're still dealing with the consequences of the past few months and that can be difficult. The good thing is, I (and Maribel as well) feel God's peace in the midst of all of this. So that helps. =)
I guess I have my moments though. I texted my friend the other night and asked her if she ever wished she didn't care so much about the people around her (she's in ministry too). I was having this weird moment of laughing and joking around on the outside with one of the guys and then feeling that clenching of the heart and stomach when I thought about what had happened and what was still happening in this young guy's life. In that moment I just wished I didn't really care...or at the very least I wished I could turn the caring off for awhile and just go watch TV or something.
She wrote me back a very wise e-mail that encouraged me and helped me think through a few things. I think one of the challenges for me is that it never really stops. It's 24/7 and there's no escaping. =) I laugh when I think back to those initial moments of planning for this home and how I thought I was going to be the cool big brother and we'd all live together in harmony and peace.
If I didn't know myself I'd ask myself what I was smoking.
The reality is...the guys I live with are good guys and good friends. For the most part they have the desire to change and grow and live differently than they did. But like all of us, they're products of their pasts and not all of them have been able to move forward the way they (and I) would like. There are addictions and temptations and sins that still plague them. We're doing battle with a lot of years of living apart from God. There are consequences to that.
But there's also victory and freedom. God is bringing both. None of us has arrived yet and we (I) need to be reminded of that occasionally.
Tomorrow Maribel will be dealing directly with some of the consequences we're facing. I (and she) would appreciate it if you could pray. Wisdom and patience and a sense of God's direction, I think. As well, for myself if you could pray for a continued sense of God's presence and peace (and wisdom...always wisdom). For the guys, pray for a renewed passion for Christ and freedom from their pasts.
Thanks everyone! I promise that soon I'll post a funny story of some random event in my life. =)
I guess I have my moments though. I texted my friend the other night and asked her if she ever wished she didn't care so much about the people around her (she's in ministry too). I was having this weird moment of laughing and joking around on the outside with one of the guys and then feeling that clenching of the heart and stomach when I thought about what had happened and what was still happening in this young guy's life. In that moment I just wished I didn't really care...or at the very least I wished I could turn the caring off for awhile and just go watch TV or something.
She wrote me back a very wise e-mail that encouraged me and helped me think through a few things. I think one of the challenges for me is that it never really stops. It's 24/7 and there's no escaping. =) I laugh when I think back to those initial moments of planning for this home and how I thought I was going to be the cool big brother and we'd all live together in harmony and peace.
If I didn't know myself I'd ask myself what I was smoking.
The reality is...the guys I live with are good guys and good friends. For the most part they have the desire to change and grow and live differently than they did. But like all of us, they're products of their pasts and not all of them have been able to move forward the way they (and I) would like. There are addictions and temptations and sins that still plague them. We're doing battle with a lot of years of living apart from God. There are consequences to that.
But there's also victory and freedom. God is bringing both. None of us has arrived yet and we (I) need to be reminded of that occasionally.
Tomorrow Maribel will be dealing directly with some of the consequences we're facing. I (and she) would appreciate it if you could pray. Wisdom and patience and a sense of God's direction, I think. As well, for myself if you could pray for a continued sense of God's presence and peace (and wisdom...always wisdom). For the guys, pray for a renewed passion for Christ and freedom from their pasts.
Thanks everyone! I promise that soon I'll post a funny story of some random event in my life. =)
1 comments:
Whether you write a funny story or something serious, we are behind you 100%! We never stop praying! xo
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