God is faithful...

I have a feeling this might be one of those rather vague “I can’t exactly talk about what’s going on” posts that don’t really help very much.  But I also feel like I’ve been asking for prayer a lot lately without really responding as to what ended up happening. 

All I can say is bear with me if you can.  Hopefully it’s not going to come across too melodramatic. 

Let me start by saying that in two weeks I’ll be celebrating (in my head anyhow) 20 years of ministry.  Which is beyond weird to me.  I’m pretty sure there were people in my first church that didn’t give me six months when I started.  Huh…maybe in my second church too.  Come to think of it probably in this ministry too.  Funny that…

Over these past two decades (seriously…holy cow) I’ve seen a lot of friends who started out in ministry with me, move on to other things.  Some left because of personal problems.  But others simply said they needed a break for six months or so.  They got “real” jobs and then never went back.  I always wondered about that…how that happens.  I’m not sure I completely understood it. 

Well…until these last couple of weeks.  I think I get it.  Or at the very least, I understand why I might possibly leave ministry.  Let’s be clear here…I’m not leaving ministry.  At least not tonight…or probably tomorrow.  Talk to me Monday and we’ll see.

Speaking only for myself…I’m feeling kind of weary of feeling the responsibility of always trying to fix someone.  Hah…that’s sounds about as egotistical as it comes.  Once again, to be clear, I’m fully aware that it’s only God who fixes people.  A hundred percent I understand this. 

But as a pastor/missionary/person who’s supposed to help people, you’re always thinking about what needs to happen in someone’s life…to discern how you could be used by God to facilitate healing in that person.  What’s the situation…where did the pain come from…what needs to happen for healing to take place. 

And speaking for myself I tend to jump in emotionally with both feet so that probably doesn't help either. 

In reality, it’s true of all of us.  We all have that responsibility to seek to be used by God to serve and minister those who are suffering or struggling.  I suppose as a pastor/missionary/person who’s supposed to help people it just becomes that more intense since it’s your “job” so to speak.

And then, of course, when you choose to live with the people you’ve been called to serve and help…it adds an entirely new level of intensity.

Over the past year and a half I watched a young guy in the house who I care deeply for, and who once felt God calling him to ministry, slowly choose to walk away.  Today I asked him to leave.  Hardest decision of my life.  And that’s all I really have to say about that.

Well…except for this.  I’ve never been more convinced of the faithfulness of God.  He went out of his way to show me He cared and was involved. 

This has been taken out of my hands but it’s still fully in God’s hands.  And if I know anything, I know it’s not the end of the story. 

Thank you for praying.  And if you could please continue to do so.  Lots of difficult and sad days to come.