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So yea...I had to physically break up a fight here at the house the other night. That was a new one. Our first, all out fist-throwing fight in two years. I guess that’s not a bad record. =) I was just talking to one of the guys in my room, and then when we finished, he went into his room. Two minutes later I heard some scuffling and the throwing around of furniture. I wasn’t actually all that concerned since I live in a house with a bunch of guys and they tend to wrestle and the sound of furniture being thrown around isn’t all that unusual. But I got up to go watch the fun anyhow. Being me, I still didn’t realize it was an actual, all-out fight until one of the guys seriously clocked the other guy in the side of the head.
Then I finally stepped in and broke it up. Better late than never I guess. I sat them down and tried to get the story out of them, but they were both pretty emotional and were talking really, REALLY fast. I was only catching about every sixth word. I kept trying to get them to talk to me (rather than each other), but since I couldn’t really respond with anything approaching intelligence (since I didn’t know what the heck they were talking about), they kept going back to arguing with each other.
I finally suggested that they calm down and we would talk about it in the morning. They agreed, and I headed back to my room. I seriously didn’t get ten feet and I heard them going at it again. The second time, I actually had to physically get in between them and rip them apart. I’ve never done that before. I mean, I’ve seen it on TV and truth be told...one small part of my brain was actually a bit entertained. It was sort of like being in my own little episode of Degrassi or something.
Yes, yes, I know...worst missionary ever. No need to write me. And anyhow, seriously...it was just a small part... =)
This time I put them in different rooms and talked to them separately. The funny thing is, neither of them are really fighters. The one kid was shaking so bad afterwards, that he started to cry. It was just one of those dumb moments when someone pushes you too far and you snap. And trust me, the guys here know how to push too far. I’ve snapped on occasion myself. No actual throwing of punches was involved, but I ranted petty hard-core in my head for quite some time afterwards.
The reason I mention this (besides the fact that, yea...I am still a little bit entertained), is that we ended up talking a lot this week, about forgiveness. I had another situation with one of the guys (which I won’t bother getting into) that led us to the same topic. That guy was struggling with the attitudes of one of our neighbours.
Forgiveness is a tough one for some of the guys...as it is for a lot of us. You don’t have to dig very deep here, and a lot of anger surfaces about things that have happened in the past. People who have hurt them or abused them or abandoned them. And the truth is, some of the guys here have good reason to be angry.
The problem is, it becomes routine...having an unforgiving heart. Big things...little things...it all becomes the same. Hearts become hard and even the smallest slight becomes something that’s unforgivable.
In the midst of those conversations, we talked a lot about why we forgive. And not just because it’s commanded by God (which it is). God always has good reasons for his commandments...and the command to forgive is no exception.
We’re told to forgive precisely for the reasons I just wrote above. Our hurt...our anger...our hardness of heart...it’s really not about the other person at all. Often...especially for the guys here...the other person never even knows they’ve been forgiven. And I doubt it would matter to them, even if they did know.
The reason we forgive is for us. God desires us to live lives that are free.
Freedom is something that often escapes us. Again, that’s even more true for people coming off the streets. Life on the streets masquerades itself as freedom...no one to tell you what to do...live as you want...do as you want...
The reality is, it’s exactly the opposite of freedom. It’s all about bondage and destruction. Years afterwards, many of the guys here are still trying to come to terms with the consequences of their lives on the streets. To be at peace. To experience freedom.
Forgiveness is a big part of that. I remember taking one of the guys through the “Steps to Freedom”, a tool I use here a lot. I never quite know how people are going to be affected by the experience. This young guy was the first kid from the streets I ever took through the process. He worked his way through everything quite calmly, until we got to the part that deals with forgiveness. It asks you to choose to forgive the people who have hurt and wronged you, and then to forgive yourself (as someone who’s been forgiven by God).
Among others, he chose to forgive his dad, who’d abandoned him and his siblings when he was six years old. The tears started to fall, and by the time he got to the part about forgiving himself, he could hardly speak.
Forgiveness is a powerful thing.
But, of course, it’s difficult. We don’t want to let that other person off the hook. We want revenge. We want them to suffer...even though, most times, the other person has no idea how we even feel.
Here at the house, we’re getting there. There are some guys who have been able to let go of a lot of what’s happened to them, and trust that God will deal with it. Other guys are still working their way through what it all means. It’s such a pride issue as well... learning to let go and trust. To tell someone that you’ve forgiven them (or to ask for their forgiveness).
The two guys who had the fight? After we talked and prayed together (and everyone calmed down), I made them shake hands. My parents used to make my brothers and I do it (actually I think they made us hug) and we hated it. But it’s a good thing to do. Today the guys seem a lot better and I think with a few days, it’ll all be ancient history. Another reason I like working with guys. If this were the girl’s home? We’d still be talking about this in June... (Just kidding ladies...although you know it’s true...). =)
Thanks for continuing to pray for us here. It makes a difference! If you can pray about all of this when you have a moment, I’d appreciate it!
So yea...I had to physically break up a fight here at the house the other night. That was a new one. Our first, all out fist-throwing fight in two years. I guess that’s not a bad record. =) I was just talking to one of the guys in my room, and then when we finished, he went into his room. Two minutes later I heard some scuffling and the throwing around of furniture. I wasn’t actually all that concerned since I live in a house with a bunch of guys and they tend to wrestle and the sound of furniture being thrown around isn’t all that unusual. But I got up to go watch the fun anyhow. Being me, I still didn’t realize it was an actual, all-out fight until one of the guys seriously clocked the other guy in the side of the head.
Then I finally stepped in and broke it up. Better late than never I guess. I sat them down and tried to get the story out of them, but they were both pretty emotional and were talking really, REALLY fast. I was only catching about every sixth word. I kept trying to get them to talk to me (rather than each other), but since I couldn’t really respond with anything approaching intelligence (since I didn’t know what the heck they were talking about), they kept going back to arguing with each other.
I finally suggested that they calm down and we would talk about it in the morning. They agreed, and I headed back to my room. I seriously didn’t get ten feet and I heard them going at it again. The second time, I actually had to physically get in between them and rip them apart. I’ve never done that before. I mean, I’ve seen it on TV and truth be told...one small part of my brain was actually a bit entertained. It was sort of like being in my own little episode of Degrassi or something.
Yes, yes, I know...worst missionary ever. No need to write me. And anyhow, seriously...it was just a small part... =)
This time I put them in different rooms and talked to them separately. The funny thing is, neither of them are really fighters. The one kid was shaking so bad afterwards, that he started to cry. It was just one of those dumb moments when someone pushes you too far and you snap. And trust me, the guys here know how to push too far. I’ve snapped on occasion myself. No actual throwing of punches was involved, but I ranted petty hard-core in my head for quite some time afterwards.
The reason I mention this (besides the fact that, yea...I am still a little bit entertained), is that we ended up talking a lot this week, about forgiveness. I had another situation with one of the guys (which I won’t bother getting into) that led us to the same topic. That guy was struggling with the attitudes of one of our neighbours.
Forgiveness is a tough one for some of the guys...as it is for a lot of us. You don’t have to dig very deep here, and a lot of anger surfaces about things that have happened in the past. People who have hurt them or abused them or abandoned them. And the truth is, some of the guys here have good reason to be angry.
The problem is, it becomes routine...having an unforgiving heart. Big things...little things...it all becomes the same. Hearts become hard and even the smallest slight becomes something that’s unforgivable.
In the midst of those conversations, we talked a lot about why we forgive. And not just because it’s commanded by God (which it is). God always has good reasons for his commandments...and the command to forgive is no exception.
We’re told to forgive precisely for the reasons I just wrote above. Our hurt...our anger...our hardness of heart...it’s really not about the other person at all. Often...especially for the guys here...the other person never even knows they’ve been forgiven. And I doubt it would matter to them, even if they did know.
The reason we forgive is for us. God desires us to live lives that are free.
Freedom is something that often escapes us. Again, that’s even more true for people coming off the streets. Life on the streets masquerades itself as freedom...no one to tell you what to do...live as you want...do as you want...
The reality is, it’s exactly the opposite of freedom. It’s all about bondage and destruction. Years afterwards, many of the guys here are still trying to come to terms with the consequences of their lives on the streets. To be at peace. To experience freedom.
Forgiveness is a big part of that. I remember taking one of the guys through the “Steps to Freedom”, a tool I use here a lot. I never quite know how people are going to be affected by the experience. This young guy was the first kid from the streets I ever took through the process. He worked his way through everything quite calmly, until we got to the part that deals with forgiveness. It asks you to choose to forgive the people who have hurt and wronged you, and then to forgive yourself (as someone who’s been forgiven by God).
Among others, he chose to forgive his dad, who’d abandoned him and his siblings when he was six years old. The tears started to fall, and by the time he got to the part about forgiving himself, he could hardly speak.
Forgiveness is a powerful thing.
But, of course, it’s difficult. We don’t want to let that other person off the hook. We want revenge. We want them to suffer...even though, most times, the other person has no idea how we even feel.
Here at the house, we’re getting there. There are some guys who have been able to let go of a lot of what’s happened to them, and trust that God will deal with it. Other guys are still working their way through what it all means. It’s such a pride issue as well... learning to let go and trust. To tell someone that you’ve forgiven them (or to ask for their forgiveness).
The two guys who had the fight? After we talked and prayed together (and everyone calmed down), I made them shake hands. My parents used to make my brothers and I do it (actually I think they made us hug) and we hated it. But it’s a good thing to do. Today the guys seem a lot better and I think with a few days, it’ll all be ancient history. Another reason I like working with guys. If this were the girl’s home? We’d still be talking about this in June... (Just kidding ladies...although you know it’s true...). =)
Thanks for continuing to pray for us here. It makes a difference! If you can pray about all of this when you have a moment, I’d appreciate it!
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