It’s interesting…how God works, I mean. He has a plan…we know He has a plan…and yet…we get stressed or frustrated when our plan isn’t His plan. Like we know better. Well…technically I guess I shouldn’t speak for all of us and say “we”. But I’m really hoping I’m not the only one.
As you know, last week I found out that I needed $5000 for us to keep living here at the house (see below). I had about seven hundred and some dollars in my ministry account. I told the owner that I could give her some of the money, but that I didn’t have all of it. She wasn’t very happy about that, but said that she could give us a week and a half. Then she was headed back to Spain and would need the money. I told her I’d see what I could do.
So I wrote an e-mail explaining the situation to everyone and anyone who might be interested in helping us. Then in the afternoon I went back for another meeting with the owner and her lawyer with as much money as I had (just under two thousand dollars from my cash advance at the bank).
On my way home I stopped for our version of a Slurpee and I had a little conversation with God in my truck in the parking lot. It’s not that I was angry with Him exactly. I was just feeling frustrated. If you know me at all, you know that I’m not Mr. Organized Guy. Many of my old youth pastor friends have moved on to Sr. Pastor jobs and/or running businesses, etc. The thought of that send chills down my spine. =) That’s not really my thing. I’m doing what I’m doing because I care about these guys and feel that God has given me certain gifts and abilities and a burden to help them. But running a ministry isn’t something that fits easily into that sphere of comfort for me. And if I’m not Mr. Organized Guy? I’m really not Mr. Fundraiser Guy. I’m just not good at it and I don’t enjoy it.
And the other thing is...if you know me, you probably also know that I’m a bit of a “doer”. That is, if I see someone who has a need or is suffering, my first thought is “What can I do to help? What needs to happen here?” Which is all good and everything…except that it’s really easy for me to get going and caught up in the moment and to do things on my own and not include God in the equation. I don’t mean to do this…but it happens way more often than I care to admit.
God’s been talking to me about all of this a lot lately. It’s not easy for me to sit back and wait. I hit a few walls over the past year (this ministry is sort of conducive to that) and I don’t want to keep falling into that same trap of trying to do things solo and then crashing and burning.
All of this kind of culminated in that conversation with God…in my truck. I explained to him (yea…that makes me laugh even as I write it…but I did) that I feel called and able to do this much (imagine me putting my hands about a foot apart) but that this much (now imagine my hands about as far apart as I could put them and Slurpee sloshing around in my cup) is what needs to happen to keep this place going (hopefully no one was watching and wondering what the gringo was freaking out about in his truck…alone…). I told God that I am ready and willing to do my part but that I really needed help with the rest of it. I would do what He’d called me to do, but I had to trust that He was going to do the rest.
Yes, well…I didn’t say I’m the smartest or most insightful missionary out there. In hindsight that all seems fairly self-evident. But when you’re feeling the pressure and you’re so far out of your zone that you’re not sure you can still see land…you go funny places in your head. Or at least I do…
I felt better after our little talk…getting all that off my chest. So I headed home. I walked in the door and sat down at my computer and opened up my e-mail account. I’m not sure what I was expecting exactly at that point. It was more of an automatic response.
Imagine my surprise when I saw a list of e-mails waiting for me from people who were responding to my letter. Within only a few moments of me writing that first request for help, people had begun to respond. Not only did we receive the $5000, we were able to build up a little bit of a buffer in our account again. People wrote about how God had been speaking to them all week about giving (not necessarily to us) and when they received my letter, they knew that this was what God was talking about. E-mail after e-mail came in from people who wanted to help us and who had supportive words for what was happening down here.
I felt loved. And very encouraged. I actually got that twitchy feeling in my nose. Which is me getting overwhelmed with emotion… =)
I’m not totally sure, but in the end for sure we received two or three thousand more than what we needed. Which, as I said, gives us a little bit of manoeuvring room for that next unexpected emergency. Which, in turn, takes a lot of pressure of my shoulders.
So…it’s interesting how God works. As much as, in my humanness, I would love for someone to win thirty or forty million dollars and toss ten percent of that my way… =) …I’ve learned that God wants me to be in a place of dependence. Not to stress me out or frustrate me…exactly the opposite actually…to teach me to depend on him. To understand that all of this is His…not mine. To trust in His faithfulness.
I wish I could explain how thankful I am to all of you. I had a meeting with the guys on Monday and I told them this story. All of it…including the me being frustrated part…and how God responded. As I looked around the table, I could see they were all thinking and considering this. A couple of them were even nodding. They understood too, that God was taking care of us.
Thank you! For the financial gifts, for the prayers and for the encouraging words. It all means a lot to me. Someday you’re going to get to have a great conversation with a group of young men who were very thankful for your generosity.
Oh…and an old guy too…
As you know, last week I found out that I needed $5000 for us to keep living here at the house (see below). I had about seven hundred and some dollars in my ministry account. I told the owner that I could give her some of the money, but that I didn’t have all of it. She wasn’t very happy about that, but said that she could give us a week and a half. Then she was headed back to Spain and would need the money. I told her I’d see what I could do.
So I wrote an e-mail explaining the situation to everyone and anyone who might be interested in helping us. Then in the afternoon I went back for another meeting with the owner and her lawyer with as much money as I had (just under two thousand dollars from my cash advance at the bank).
On my way home I stopped for our version of a Slurpee and I had a little conversation with God in my truck in the parking lot. It’s not that I was angry with Him exactly. I was just feeling frustrated. If you know me at all, you know that I’m not Mr. Organized Guy. Many of my old youth pastor friends have moved on to Sr. Pastor jobs and/or running businesses, etc. The thought of that send chills down my spine. =) That’s not really my thing. I’m doing what I’m doing because I care about these guys and feel that God has given me certain gifts and abilities and a burden to help them. But running a ministry isn’t something that fits easily into that sphere of comfort for me. And if I’m not Mr. Organized Guy? I’m really not Mr. Fundraiser Guy. I’m just not good at it and I don’t enjoy it.
And the other thing is...if you know me, you probably also know that I’m a bit of a “doer”. That is, if I see someone who has a need or is suffering, my first thought is “What can I do to help? What needs to happen here?” Which is all good and everything…except that it’s really easy for me to get going and caught up in the moment and to do things on my own and not include God in the equation. I don’t mean to do this…but it happens way more often than I care to admit.
God’s been talking to me about all of this a lot lately. It’s not easy for me to sit back and wait. I hit a few walls over the past year (this ministry is sort of conducive to that) and I don’t want to keep falling into that same trap of trying to do things solo and then crashing and burning.
All of this kind of culminated in that conversation with God…in my truck. I explained to him (yea…that makes me laugh even as I write it…but I did) that I feel called and able to do this much (imagine me putting my hands about a foot apart) but that this much (now imagine my hands about as far apart as I could put them and Slurpee sloshing around in my cup) is what needs to happen to keep this place going (hopefully no one was watching and wondering what the gringo was freaking out about in his truck…alone…). I told God that I am ready and willing to do my part but that I really needed help with the rest of it. I would do what He’d called me to do, but I had to trust that He was going to do the rest.
Yes, well…I didn’t say I’m the smartest or most insightful missionary out there. In hindsight that all seems fairly self-evident. But when you’re feeling the pressure and you’re so far out of your zone that you’re not sure you can still see land…you go funny places in your head. Or at least I do…
I felt better after our little talk…getting all that off my chest. So I headed home. I walked in the door and sat down at my computer and opened up my e-mail account. I’m not sure what I was expecting exactly at that point. It was more of an automatic response.
Imagine my surprise when I saw a list of e-mails waiting for me from people who were responding to my letter. Within only a few moments of me writing that first request for help, people had begun to respond. Not only did we receive the $5000, we were able to build up a little bit of a buffer in our account again. People wrote about how God had been speaking to them all week about giving (not necessarily to us) and when they received my letter, they knew that this was what God was talking about. E-mail after e-mail came in from people who wanted to help us and who had supportive words for what was happening down here.
I felt loved. And very encouraged. I actually got that twitchy feeling in my nose. Which is me getting overwhelmed with emotion… =)
I’m not totally sure, but in the end for sure we received two or three thousand more than what we needed. Which, as I said, gives us a little bit of manoeuvring room for that next unexpected emergency. Which, in turn, takes a lot of pressure of my shoulders.
So…it’s interesting how God works. As much as, in my humanness, I would love for someone to win thirty or forty million dollars and toss ten percent of that my way… =) …I’ve learned that God wants me to be in a place of dependence. Not to stress me out or frustrate me…exactly the opposite actually…to teach me to depend on him. To understand that all of this is His…not mine. To trust in His faithfulness.
I wish I could explain how thankful I am to all of you. I had a meeting with the guys on Monday and I told them this story. All of it…including the me being frustrated part…and how God responded. As I looked around the table, I could see they were all thinking and considering this. A couple of them were even nodding. They understood too, that God was taking care of us.
Thank you! For the financial gifts, for the prayers and for the encouraging words. It all means a lot to me. Someday you’re going to get to have a great conversation with a group of young men who were very thankful for your generosity.
Oh…and an old guy too…
