I have a feeling this might be one of those rather vague “I
can’t exactly talk about what’s going on” posts that don’t really help very
much. But I also feel like I’ve been
asking for prayer a lot lately without really responding as to what ended up
happening.
All I can say is bear with me if you can. Hopefully it’s not going to come across too melodramatic.
But as a pastor/missionary/person who’s supposed to help people, you’re always thinking about what needs to happen in someone’s life…to discern how you could be used by God to facilitate healing in that person. What’s the situation…where did the pain come from…what needs to happen for healing to take place.
And speaking for myself I tend to jump in emotionally with both feet so that probably doesn't help either.
All I can say is bear with me if you can. Hopefully it’s not going to come across too melodramatic.
Let me start by saying that in two weeks I’ll be celebrating
(in my head anyhow) 20 years of ministry.
Which is beyond weird to me. I’m
pretty sure there were people in my first church that didn’t give me six months
when I started. Huh…maybe in my second
church too. Come to think of it probably
in this ministry too. Funny that…
Over these past two decades (seriously…holy cow) I’ve seen a
lot of friends who started out in ministry with me, move on to other
things. Some left because of personal
problems. But others simply said they
needed a break for six months or so.
They got “real” jobs and then never went back. I always wondered about that…how that
happens. I’m not sure I completely understood
it.
Well…until these last couple of weeks. I think I get it. Or at the very least, I understand why I
might possibly leave ministry. Let’s be
clear here…I’m not leaving ministry. At
least not tonight…or probably tomorrow.
Talk to me Monday and we’ll see.
Speaking only for myself…I’m feeling kind of weary of
feeling the responsibility of always trying to fix someone. Hah…that’s sounds about as egotistical as it
comes. Once again, to be clear, I’m fully
aware that it’s only God who fixes people.
A hundred percent I understand this.
But as a pastor/missionary/person who’s supposed to help people, you’re always thinking about what needs to happen in someone’s life…to discern how you could be used by God to facilitate healing in that person. What’s the situation…where did the pain come from…what needs to happen for healing to take place.
And speaking for myself I tend to jump in emotionally with both feet so that probably doesn't help either.
In reality, it’s true of all of us. We all have that responsibility to seek to be
used by God to serve and minister those who are suffering or struggling. I suppose as a pastor/missionary/person who’s
supposed to help people it just becomes that more intense since it’s your “job”
so to speak.
And then, of course, when you choose to live with the people
you’ve been called to serve and help…it adds an entirely new level of
intensity.
Over the past year and a half I watched a young guy in the
house who I care deeply for, and who once felt God calling him to ministry, slowly
choose to walk away. Today I asked him
to leave. Hardest decision of my
life. And that’s all I really have to
say about that.
Well…except for
this. I’ve never been more convinced of
the faithfulness of God. He went out of
his way to show me He cared and was involved.
This has been taken out of my hands but it’s still fully in
God’s hands. And if I know anything, I
know it’s not the end of the story.
Thank you for praying.
And if you could please continue to do so. Lots of difficult and sad days to come.
